


Be My Victorian Valentine

by torino10154



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Poetry, Courtship, Getting Together, Humor, Innuendo, M/M, Romance, Slash, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 15:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6084447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torino10154/pseuds/torino10154
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>From this prompt by <b>Agneskamilla</b>: Phineas Nigellus Black's portrait gives advice to headmaster Snape how to woo Harry on Valentine's Day. After all, who better to ask for romantic advice than an old-fashioned gentleman?</p>
    </blockquote>





	Be My Victorian Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> From this prompt by **Agneskamilla** : Phineas Nigellus Black's portrait gives advice to headmaster Snape how to woo Harry on Valentine's Day. After all, who better to ask for romantic advice than an old-fashioned gentleman?

Harry unrolled the scroll from Severus's owl and re-read it for the fifth time since he'd received it.

_**H** air as black as night_

_**A** rsecheeks firm and tight_

_**R** ed lips seeking to be bitten_

_**R** osebud my cock will barely fit in_

_**Y** earning to call you my own, only your ~~cock~~ love will solve my plight_

Torn between horror, amusement, and affection, Harry wasn't sure whether he should write back. It seemed like the sort of thing one would write while absolutely plastered and then toss in the rubbish bin once sober. 

The following day he received another unusual note. 

"What do you have for me this time, Severus?" Harry murmured. He pulled out what appeared to be a small stack of paper. He tried separating it but as he stretched it in front of him, realised it was a single sheet of paper that had been folded several times and then cut out...

Into penises. 

On Valentine's Day itself, Harry awoke to the sound of a beak tapping on his window once more.

"Hey, Thrasos," Harry said after he let the bird in. He took the scroll from the owl's leg and gave him a treat, closing the window behind him as he flew away. 

On a single piece of parchment, there was a sketch of an eyeball, then a letter W, something that looked like a bug.

An ant! That had to be it. 

The ant was followed by a number two, then a drawing of a bed (with two stick figures in it, one on top of the other), and finally the letter U.

Harry looked over it several times then grinned. "I want to bed you." He traced his finger over the stick figures. They began to move, shaking the bed in their enthusiasm, and Harry burst out laughing. 

"Subtle, Severus. Really subtle."

One could have been a mistake but three suggestive Valentines? 

Harry poured himself a cup of tea and made plans to visit Hogwarts.

~*~

"I have yet to hear anything from Mr Potter," Severus groused as he poked pinholes into a sheet of paper.

"You cannot go wrong, Severus," Phineas Nigellus said from his portrait above. "When I was a youth, each of these Valentine's were assured to win a woman's—"

Severus looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

"—or a man's heart."

"Hmm, his heart, you say," Severus muttered. He lifted the paper he was working on so the light would shine through, perfectly illuminating the penises he'd fashioned into the paper. 

There was a knock at the door and Severus hastily set aside his project just as Minerva entered his office.

"You have a visitor, Severus."

She stepped to the side and none other than Potter stood behind her. Tousled hair, bright green eyes, cheeks pink with cold.

He was a vision.

"That will be all, Minerva," Severus said, not even bothering to look at her he was so entranced. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Mr Potter?"

"I thought I should deliver a response to the very, er, interesting notes you've been sending in person." Potter bit his lip, coyly, the little minx.

"What did I tell you," Phineas said, smugly. "Works like a charm."

"That's enough, Phineas," Severus said. "Well, what message do you have for me?"

Potter pulled a box from his pocket and handed it to Severus. Inside he found an exquisite pair of black leather gloves. Beneath there was a note.

_If that from Glove, you take the letter G  
Then Glove is Love and that I send to thee._

Severus swallowed hard. "You accept my courtship?"

Potter grinned. "I couldn't resist." 

Later, as Severus put the gloves to very good use on Potter's divine bottom turning it a most delightful shade of red, Phineas Nigellus watched from a small canvas in the Headmaster's chambers, rewarding himself on a job well done.

**Author's Note:**

> The information about Victorian valentines came from [this](http://home.kendra.com/victorianrituals/Victor/val.htm) site. The two lines about the gloves are directly quoted from it.


End file.
